Dear My First Love "9 notes before releasing you"

9 notes before releasing you

Note 1: "The Beginning Story between Me and Him"

  Here Ms. Yoshioka will write a story, which might be a long note of feelings.

There will be 9 in total. These notes are intended for someone and made by someone ...

 

2011, was the year I entered high school, when that nervous feeling began to haunt, and some worries began to come ... and a question arose "if I could be a good high school kid" ... I entered one of the schools that quite popular while I was an ordinary child ..


~ First Day of School Ospek


Not much can be told at this time, I just follow an Ospek and do all its activities smoothly.

The day, when I followed the student orientation, I saw someone who was somehow so attractive in my eyes ...

He is not handsome or into my ideal type ... but my eyes keep on seeing him ... (I don't know why)

I want to find out the name, but I can't ... because during the inspection, we were in a different team ... so that everything passed like a normal story ...

There is nothing special, I did not follow the checkpoint of the last day due to fatigue and the day is nearing the time to go to school ..😑


~ First Day of School


The first day of entering high school was not that impressive, everything was ordinary with an atmosphere I often encountered in middle school.

I do not intend to be close to anyone, well basically I do not really need friends in life.

For some reason, I didn't really trust the sincerity of friendship for a long time ... (But this began to change when I started on college).

Continuing the story from before ...

Me and a friend of mine went to skip Indonesian language lessons that were so boring, by way of permission to go to the bathroom ..

We sat in front of the bathroom while waiting for recess ..

I think it seems, friends can really have bad effects ..

Because basically, I've never skipped like this before ...

But something special happened here ...

You know, in this bathroom I met him again, someone who could not stop seeing during the Ospek period ..

We are acquainted here and for the first time I know what his name is ...

Wow, the name is ******, at that time our eyes stared for so long ...

I also don't really understand, because I can't stop staring at him too ... (My eyes only stare but my heart is normal) ...

After that my friend and I went to the canteen ... 😏

~ Get greetings from him continuously


Three days passed, suddenly I received greetings from someone who was notified by my friend ..

Well, greetings from him ...

At first I was silent .. did not respond to anything ..

I don't know why I'm acting like that ...

Maybe because I'm not interested ...

After the first greeting, I got the second greeting ... and it was from him again (delivered through my friend again) ..

In the second greeting I don't respond to anything anymore ..

And finally for one week I got a continuous greeting delivered through several friends ..

Then I asked one of my friends who saluted ...

"Who is that person, why is he greeting"

* Actually I already know who he is, it's just that I'm so embarrassed that a rather rude sentence appears to me ..

My friend only answers top kids,

Well I can only smile at the answer ..

Basic is not clear .. hahahaha ..

Then, after one Sunday, I didn't get another greeting ...

So yeah I went through the day as usual ..

Until one day ... a girl friend told me something that I also didn't understand

"I want to sew your heart with him"

He said that to me right in front of the class.

"Why?" I ask

Of course this is quite strange, why does he say that while me and that person are not friends or anything ... we never even talked to each other ... all I knew was a greeting that I got from him for a whole week.


"Because you guys are suitable" he replied my question with this sentence ..

But since it's time to change classes, I don't consider it anymore ... 😐

 ~ Guitar and song, does he sing it for me?


The day passed as usual since that day ..

I also did not feel anything .. just enjoy school that I think is not so special ..

When I sat on a bench next to the class with some of my friends ... he came and sat in front of us ...

At that time he whispered something to his friend ... and his friend went inside ...

Well his friend brought a guitar back ... and he played it ...

The song he played was titled "Republic-Me and These Feelings"

He sang it ...

Wow, his voice was good, at that time he smiled brightly at me ... and I returned his smile ... which was no less bright .. haha

When finished playing, he whispered something to his friend ... and suddenly his friend shouted

"Hey, you have greetings from ******"

And I was suddenly surprised, I just answered,

"You are just carelessly"

But I saw that person's expression to be sure ...

But suddenly he shouted at a passing female friend ...

"Girl, greetings from me"

And the woman answered

"Walaikum Salam"

At that time I heard .. and thought ..

Oh so like that, if we get greetings we have to answer it like that ..

All this time I didn't respond because I didn't know how to ... haha

Wow, I really suck.

But as I said .. everything is normal .. nothing special ..

I still live the day as before ...


~ He always gives me a smile.


The day's lessons are so tiring .. how is it not full of mathematics, economics and physics that makes my brain get dizzy ..

At that time there was an incident in class that made me sad and lost my mood .. I just walked my head down when I got home ..

Even though I looked down I could still see towards the front ..

I saw that person, with his friends ... but he hid behind a Lab wall ... like waiting for someone ...

And yes he came out of the wall right in front of me .. and he smiled sweetly ..

And I did not respond ... then he returned with his friends ..

Actually I'm confused about all the things he does ...

He is always like that, he always smiles at me ..

Is he a friendly person? 😀

~ School Performances Day


Day School art performances are held at night, actually it is very difficult to come to this event ... because the event is done at night, and it is difficult to ask permission from my parents ..

But finally my parents allowed with a note must go home before 9 pm ..

When I came here ... everything felt new ...

I stood near the stage ... and suddenly, someone patted my shoulder ... and I turned ... well that person was him ...

He smiled at me again ...

Don't know why but I feel something quite strange ..

My heart is beating faster than usual ...

I can't hold it like it's going to explode ..

"What's going on" I muttered in my heart ..

Because I was tired of standing up, I sat down

Faintly on the other side of the darkness on the side of the stage ... I saw him,

Yeah he saw me. And I see it ...

We continue to do this in turn ...

(To me this feels new and a bit romantic) 😄

 Number Two : "Does he like me?"

 ~ What is this feeling?


In the evening after retirement, I came home with a frivolous feeling. My heart can never stop beating. I was confused, actually what had happened.


~ Think about it all day


The next day is Sunday, wow, because holiday is the best time to sleep.

I really like to sleep, if told to choose between sleeping or eating, then obviously I answered sleep .. haha

Like my day off in general I sleep and clean.

But this time it seems there is something different, for some reason in every activity the shadow of his face is always my mind.

"Please stop" I repeatedly said that to make me realize that this was really disturbing ... and without realizing it turned out I always smiled alone without stopping. Ha ha


~ Actually I already have someone I like.


When I was in middle school, I liked a man. I started to like it from grade 2 to graduate. Yes for 1 year if I remember correctly.

This man I like is my first love. But my first love isn't that amazing. Ha ha

He is a shorter man than me (now he is taller than me, when he grows up), he is white, slanted-eyed, has a lot of style haha, his voice is pretty good and is good at playing the guitar.

I started to like him because he liked to be naughty to me, and I also liked to be naughty to him. Haha .. quite strange indeed ..

Without me knowing, he was special in my heart. When I graduated middle school I actually wanted to go to the same school as him. But I chose to continue to other schools .. for fear of continuing to like it ..

"I believe, Pain will disappear because of distance" if I don't see him again, then I don't need to like him anymore.

Why do I not want to like it anymore? I also can not answer it.

Even I doubt "Is he really my first love?", Anyway what is love ..

It is very difficult to understand for children my age.


~ My first love isn't special anymore? .


Today I visited my middle school, in my high school uniform of course ...

I met my first love there,

It's strange, when you look at it, it feels normal and has no feelings.

My heart isn't even beating at all,

At first I was pretty sure that the cause of this was because of the distance ... so well automatically, he was worthless in my eyes ...

He is just a man who has turned into memories for me ..


~ School Canteen


Every morning I always go to the canteen with my friend, and at that time I always see him coming from the canteen and he goes to his class ..

After the pounding of my heart last night, I still don't really understand. So I consider everything normal ..

But there is something interesting here ...

When I sit in the cafeteria, for some reason he always smiles at me ..

I'm quite confused, because it's a little different than usual ...

Why am I thumping over it? Maybe because of her sweet smile ...


~ Valentine's Day


Today is not a special day for me, because I never celebrate it ... Besides, I don't have someone I like ...

But today, something strange happened ...

Well, he who never talked to me, kept coming to my class,

At first I was quite confused why he often came to my class ..

But yeah, I spend a lot of time sleeping ... so I don't care about that anymore ...

At that time he talked to me, he said if he wanted to exchange chocolate for me ..

"What does it mean? "

Are those things that are commonly said to other people, we are not friends either.

I did not answer the question, only a little looked away.

And again he just smiled at me.

I'm actually ashamed, eating it I did not respond ..

Everything is confusing.


~ Does he like me?


Day after day passed, everything went smoothly.

During the afternoon break, I sleep in class ...

Actually I do not sleep, I just want to myself enjoy my time.

At that time I heard some of my classmates calling me .. but I pretended not to hear ..

Well, because I don't care about them.

Then they chatted, like whispers but I could still hear it ..

Well I have very sharp hearing, and this is one of my strengths ... haha

They told me about the man, the man who always smiled at me.

In their conversation,

It's said that the man likes me ..

I was very surprised but pretended not to hear and remained in a sleeping position ..

Is what I hear real? Ouch my heart is beating faster this time ...


~ Does he really like me?


After hearing that, I asked my friend to ask that person about his feelings for me ...

And he answered to my friend that

"I don't like it, I'm just playing",

Hearing that, I was a bit surprised and quite sad ..

Ah so all this time he was just playing around, but why am I sad?

After that, I never went to the canteen again every morning.

Well I don't want to see him again ..

But something unexpected happened again ...

My classmate who is his friend said the same thing I told my friend to ask him ... that is

"Do I like ******?" I was surprised why his friend asked me that

Why does he ask like that.

Because I was quite saddened by that person's answer to my friend before ...

So I just answered ...

"******,? Who is it? No way"

I answered curtly ...

Then I ask back.

"Why? "

"It's okay" well that's the answer I got .. so I don't ask anything else ...

 ~ Why, does he really like me?


During the day, when all the kids go to the canteen, I stay in class ...

As usual, I don't want to be close to anyone.

I was alone, and suddenly he came to my class,

I'm confused, I'm even still annoyed at him ...

Considering he told me that all this time he was just playing around.

We did not speak a word, and I pretended to sleep ..

Here he plays the guitar and sings the song "Armada - Appreciate Me"

Honestly I like his voice .. so good and he's good at playing guitar.

This time my heart was beating again, faster than before.

At that time I woke up, and looked at him ... and he looked at me too, while continuing the song.

I want to talk to him, but I'm confused ... what should I say. So I just stayed quiet ..

When I was going out, he suddenly ran and stood in front of the door.

I also ask him,

"Why?" This is the first sentence I said to him.

But he just kept quiet, until his friend called him ...

So he left staring at me briefly.

I'm confused by his behavior.

So I sat back in my chair, and suddenly a friend of mine (who was also his friend) came in ...

This friend of mine asked me that question once more ...

"Do you like it, ******?"

I was surprised once again ...

For what is my friend asking me that .. because I was upset, I answered

"No, why indeed?"

"Gpph" yeah the answer made me even more annoyed and I left the class ...

When I came out, I saw him standing in front of the door ...

Gosh, apparently he was standing there to hear our conversation ..

But why ?

Does he like me? He told my friend he was just playing around.

Then why did he do this ..

I do not understand..

What game is he actually trying to do?

I looked at him sarcastically (this was because I was ashamed), and he bowed his head and passed me by.

For some reason, I feel sad ..

Number Three : "I Like Him"

 

~ A long night


Tonight I could not sleep, I thought about his expression this afternoon.

I did nothing wrong, right?

Then why do I feel sorry for him, I'm confused and keep thinking about it ...

Okay, I won't think about it anymore.


~ Telephone Number


There is a friend of mine who wants to ask for a friend's number, who is his friend.

So that morning, I happened to meet him, without further ado I rebuked him ... and spoke:

"******, Can I ask for your friend's number?" I asked her without any feeling

"What for ?" He answered

"For my friend," it's for my friend, so it's better to be honest, right?

"Do you like it? Want me Salamin with him?" This sentence he said to me, once again with his smile ..

"No, well then" I immediately left, I was confused by his attitude. but why am I sad, hearing what he just said.


~ Confusing SMS


Okay in this part, I kind of forgot, how did this get started.

I have his number and he has my number.

At night he texted me and asked for the number of the girl who was my classmate ..

Yaudah without further ado I sent the number.

Done ..

It should be like that right?

But the next day he sent me the same text ...

Ask for the woman's number, let me send it again ..

But he sent me the same text again ...

I'm confused at him ...


~ he is my classmate's boyfriend


Early in the morning I saw him with my classmate (whom he often asked for his telephone number), and when I entered, he looked salting, even though I was normal.

I don't know why, but my friend also looked at me with a small smile and smile.

Really I do not understand this drama.

And finally at noon, I was told by one of my classmates that his girlfriend was my classmate .. well the woman he often asked for his telephone number to me.

In my brain:

"They're dating, so why does he keep asking for my number?"

"They are dating but why did that woman tell me, that she would sew my heart with that man?"

"They are dating but why did he do that to me?"

"They are dating but why ..

My brain really can't function normally ..

I was shocked, and felt nothing.

One thing I can conclude is "Ah, it turns out I'm being played with."

~ Back as usual

I live my day as usual,

I'm a little confused. Can not concentrate ,.

Until noon, the news said that my female friend broke up with him, because my female friend was having an affair.

Strange, I feel sad and think "Is she okay?"

I'm a little annoyed with my girlfriend, so I'm being mean to her ...

Until an incident occurs, where I accidentally injured him ...

I apologize, and somehow I want to cry ..

"I make the woman in love with the man hurt, maybe he will hate him"

I thought about this. And this really hurts ...


~ I'm best friends with his ex-lover


I wonder what happened, the woman who used to date the man became my friend who can be said to be quite familiar .. we hung out with seniors, and everything returned to normal ..

As we sat down, there were screams coming from the man's class. Very noisy,

Apparently, the man was jealous seeing his ex (who is my friend) dating a senior brother ...

I glanced upwards ..

And I saw the expression ...

An expression that I have never seen, and I smile a little ...

"Turns out he can make an expression like that" I murmured in my heart.


~ I was told that he likes me


Today the children are preparing for the economic exam, I also study as usual while standing at the door ..

And suddenly two of my friends who came (the man's best friend) told me that the man liked me ..

I just stayed quiet and didn't answer anything ...

Maybe they are playing with me again.

I do not care.


~ I'm awkward


After being told this, I went to the bathroom. And meet him again ... oh really a moment that does not fit ..

He smiled at me but I did not return his smile.

Once again, this is because I am ashamed.

I don't know why but lately, he seems to be following me.

How not, he was in every place I was.

He even sat next to me, without saying anything and just smiled.

I'm confused by his attitude ...

Even when he was invited by his friend to the cafeteria, he chose to sit near me ..

Okay if you want to sit please, but why should it be next to me, even a lot of seats are empty ..

What is this...


~ Is he waiting for me?


Time to go home from school, I hurried home. At that time I saw him coming home too, but he hid behind the car ..

I can see it ...

But I pretended I didn't know ... when I walked, he walked along ...

At that time I took the direction that took a long time to arrive at a place, while he took the path of cutting that did not take long to get there.

But the weird thing is ... when we arrived at the place, I saw him in the back.

I'm a little confused, but still continue the journey.


~ I realize my feelings


Today at school there is a competition between classes, when it was a soccer match (if I'm not mistaken) ,.

I watched the match, and it happened that the guy was playing against senior class ...

I watched with a casual attitude .. but there was an incident where he fought with the upperclassman .. and I saw him beaten ..

Somehow my heart hurts to see it ..

I want to run there and hit that Senior Brother ... but I can't do anything but be quiet ..

When he passed, he saw me and smiled ..

Actually I want to stop him and call him ..

I want to ask "Is he okay?" But again because of Shame, I did not return his smile and only looked away ..

But when he walked to his friends ... I kept seeing him without stopping ..

I looked at it and it seems like I know, why I feel like this .. it's because "I like it" ..

Ah, it turns out that way ... what I've felt so far is love ...

And this is right on December 11, 2011 ...

I will remember this day forever ...


~ Under Trees with Falling Leaves


This tree is quite shady and shady, and there is a seat next to it has the words "Come with Hope, go home with glory" and a pretty pond, in front of it there is another mushroom-shaped seat.

At first I sat alone here, then some of my friends started sitting here too ..

Ouch they really ruined the atmosphere.

I forgot what the topic is talking about here ... because it doesn't enter the important memory of my brain ...

This year has already been trodden in 2012.

A pretty calm start to the year, I think this is the last year that will be the ending of the drama between me and him.

Well you will understand it when we enter the fourth note.

I've realized my feelings for him, but I didn't tell anyone. I kept it tightly.

While sitting here, I saw his class cleaning up, and he also swept the front page of the class.

I just looked for a moment then turned around again ...

You know, I don't understand how to express love, because it's too shy, sometimes I give him a cynical look ...

But because he's a friendly person, he always smiles at me.

When I chat with some of my friends, suddenly there is a friend of mine (who is a close friend) screaming loudly, no wind, no rain ... and what's worse is what he screamed.

"****** (his name) !!, ***** (my name) likes you!" He shouted this ..

I was shocked to suddenly hit him, why he was shouting that .. really outrageous.

And at a glance I saw the man's expression, "He smiled" even though he didn't answer anything.

Sometimes I think, why do they bother me like that.

Is the boy's hobby like that.

They are truly evil. I hate them even more,

If they knew, if I had actually liked it.

But still, why are they playing with me like that.


~ Me and Handsome Senpai 


Well, I am quite active in organizations outside the school, and this senior is one of my seniors in this school that I know from the organization.

He is very cool, moreover he is very good at mathematics .. oh he's almost like my ideal type haha ​​..

Not only that, he is also good, rich, and far from being arrogant.

I often spend time with him outside and at school, of course also with some of my friends.

I like to chat with him, because his mind is really open and intellectual.

I think I could fall in love with him, anytime.

Since I joined the organization, I didn't pay much attention to that man.

Occasionally we meet and just stare at each other. And he always smiles. But as usual, I always ignore it (this is because I'm ashamed) ...

At that time we sat in the Physics Lab at the school, precisely upstairs ... while passing by people passing by ...

This time we sat alone together, and I enjoyed it. And it seems like my heart is happy too. Ha ha

~ I See It Angry and Going


I often spend time with senior brother who I told you about, when we were chatting, we were asked to take some books from the BP room by the teacher, so we went together. When we went we brought quite heavy books. But I did not bring the heavy one, because that brother had brought it to me ... ah he was cool and very macho .. I felt happy.

But when we brought books together. Suddenly, I saw the man and his friend sitting in front of the lab ...

I really didn't want to go through that, but because we also wanted to go to the lab, I was forced to go there.

I do not know, but me and my brother walked side by side with a short distance, this brother also often smiled friendly, so I too smiled.

But I looked at the man with an angry expression and held his hand.

He talked to me, and said who? , But I did not answer it .. and just left ..

Here I do not understand him,

Maybe he asked like a normal friend, but we aren't even friends, and anyways, this brother is just a senior brother, not someone I should introduce to others.

Seeing me just leave, he looked upset and left his friends.


~ I want to know the press


After seeing him leave, I murmured to myself:

"I want to know his feelings to me, even though I know he was just playing, but I still want to know"

I'm confused on him, he doesn't like me right? Then why is he like that.

And I'm more confused in my heart, because I can't stop thinking about it.

I like it, well, I admit it.

Maybe it came from my attitude towards my geography from the start.

But is that true? Even before I knew him, I was interested in him from the start.

I didn't understand my feelings from the start, but I thought he was my first love.

I had a guy I liked in middle school, but it felt a little different.

With this man, I really look very crazy ..

Ouch my heart ...


~ Is the song he sang for me?


Here I am in grade 2 of high school, at this time I visited the man's class, well actually because my friend was there. Not pure want to see it.

His gaze changed at me, but his smile remained the same.

When I entered the class, there were only 4 people, me and my friend, he and his friend.

He sings:

"No love, no heart ,,

I used to love, now I hate "

Well it's the lyrics of the song he sings ...

I heard it very clearly, and thought, why did he sing that song ..

Is that for me? (Love really makes me unreasonable)

Well, because everyone has the right to sing all the songs right.

~ Horrendous Changes


Love does change everything, for the sake of attracting my attention I model my hijab into a child Alay,

Really if I remember this moment it really sucks.

Actually this, a proposal from a friend of mine, so I accepted it.

But yes it is, this change attracts attention, even one school.

I really feel a little sad here,

Some people say I'm pretentious beautiful with a hijab like that,

But all I did was change for him.

Maybe he didn't realize it either.


~ He smiled for the last time to me


In grade 2, I became friends with a very annoying man, he even dared to call me a flat chest. Ouch my heart, it feels like if I remember just wanting to hit that mouth ... Hahaha

But we remain friends, sometimes he tells me (I don't remember the story, because he really isn't important).

Well I listened, at that moment out of nowhere it started.

But this friend of mine knows that I like that guy, and even annoys me.

I really feel annoyed at him.

At that time, the man came to our class, and talked with my friend.

I have no intention of disturbing him, but I just want to get things to give to classmates ..

It's because I'm lazy to go to that class.

But his reaction surprised me ..

He said in a high voice,

"You're just bothering,"

Well he said that to me ..

I really realized that he and I could not be friendly with each other ..

I'm hurt here, because I've never been snapped by anyone, and he's the first person to do it.

I was bowed sad and could only be silent ..

He has changed and he is not the same person, what I saw when I was in first grade ...

He doesn't smile at me anymore

And when he saw me, he just passed me ..

Why do I feel so sad, because we were not friends from the start.

Since then, he and I have never talked to each other. Even until we graduate from school, we only speak 1 to 2 words.

Actually I wanted to be his friend but he didn't give me permission for that ..

So I can only watch from a distance ...

 Number Four : "Unrequited love"

~ We're One Class


This is the last year in school, now I'm in the third grade of high school, like the title on this scane, we are in the same class.

I'm quite happy, because I can see it more closely.

But it seems impossible, too, because I sat in the front, while he was in the back.

But never mind, I'm happy, finally we're in the same class.


~ Acknowledgments that were not delivered


Today we have mulok practice, and we have to help biscuit tins, and my friend asks him to do that.

Well he helped us, when I said thanks, he didn't respond to anything ... and went straight to the door ..

But my friend who was at the door, heard that he said the same, smiling and making a small voice.

Until now I still did not understand the meaning.

Isn't it normal to say it directly to someone who says thanks.


~ Hot Gossip Spreads


Well in this phase, I'm rumored to like it ...

I do not know the beginning of this rumor circulating, but I do not want to find out too, because it will only make me more embarrassed.

I'm just being normal with this gossip.

But not with him.

He bothered me ..

In fact, he always smiles at me now, even while winking.

I'm confused at him ... it seems like he always liked to play me ...

~ Try not to care anymore

During the day, all students went to the cafeteria but I stayed in class to read books.

This time, I didn't want to sleep like most of the days I had passed.

I'm alone in class, ah really soothing.

At that moment suddenly there was the sound of footsteps entering the door, and that person was him.

I pretended not to notice while continuing to read the book.

He asked me for the first time after that.

During this time he never talked to me, neither did I.

"*****" He called my name, even before he had never done it ..

Then he asked

"What are you doing" he sat next to me

And I just answered

"Read the Book" I answered it quite curtly ..

I always speak unfriendly to him, it's all because I'm ashamed.

Then he asked again,

"What book ? "

I did not answer anything, and only showed the cover of the book I was reading.

After that he stayed by my side for a long time,

It seems like he has something to say to me ...

Actually I also want to talk to him, but I can't do it ...

I don't want to add to the rumors circulating at school ...

I honestly don't want him to deal with me and become a mockery of classmates ..

So I just kept quiet and remained unfriendly to him.

I want him to continue to live a normal life, well he does not need to be involved with me ..

I don't want to be involved in his life either ...

Love it from a distance is enough.

We will graduate anyway, and he will soon be forgotten.

Like my first love case in middle school.

Well at least that's what was on my mind.


~ I'm mad at him

I don't know but during the exam, your seat position was swapped by the teacher ...

I sat in the back, while he sat on my desk.

After the exam, I saw the name of the woman he liked on my desk.

He wrote it ...

My heart ... I'm shocked and angry.

I don't understand, if he loves that girl so much, just cross it out on his desk. You don't need it on my desk, do you?

At that time I was really angry and lost my courtesy to him ..

I don't know, but I hated it that day.

I haven't thought about it since then ...

I don't feel special feelings for anyone anymore ...

I think it's over ...

Well I believe that...

~ My birthday

My first birthday was celebrated, I was 17 years old, and I invited classmates ..

Before the program started, in class he talked to me and asked ..

"Can I bring my friend?"

I answered "Yes" briefly ...

Then he asked again ...

"Is it really okay?"

I answered "Yes" again ...

And in the afternoon ... he really came with his friend ...

And his friend is that girl ..

At first I dressed up a little at the party ... but seeing her with that girl ... I started crying ..

And my friends knock on the door ...

I panicked .. how about this .. I can't stop crying ..

But I tried to wash my face with water and greet them with a cheerful smile ..

I have good acting here ...

At the party, I saw him happy with the girl ..

Even I pray that they are always together ...

This is all because even from the beginning, I never intended to have it ...

I just want to be his friend

But because it can't either ...

I just do, what I do now.

Pretty sad isn't it? 

 ~ That girl and I shake hands

The program is over, and all my friends leave home ..

But he never went home,

When there was no one, he stood up

While introducing the girl to me.

And we greet each other and smile ...

I'm really hurt here, if he knew that ...

But it seems like I understand the reason why he brought that girl ...

Well he refuses me subtly,

He introduced his girlfriend to me ..

Someone who he never brought to any party .. now the first time he brought to me ..

I was very relieved at that time ...

I looked at him and he looked at me ..

Looks like he wants to say "sorry" but he did not reveal ..

You know, you are the first man I like a little differently ...

With you, I feel many new feelings that I have never felt before ..

And today I realized that, all this time my love was just one-sided ...

And this has been three years ..

But we will split up soon.

After graduation, I will find another man who is very cool ..

So that automatically makes you a part of my past ...

 Number Five : "I've Never Hated You"

 

Maybe my rude and indifferent attitude should be explained here ..

I'm acting like that to you, it's all because I'm ashamed ...

I'm just a stupid girl who doesn't really understand, how to show expression ..

I don't hate you ... instead I really like you ...

And I think this feeling of love has turned into love ...

Maybe from the start, this is love ..

I love you when I first saw you ...

You are first love and love at first sight ..

I love you so much..

Love you so much ...

I want to say my feelings to you properly someday ..

But apparently, the universe doesn't allow it ...

I'm writing this just want to convey everything to you ...

Note before letting you go ...

The remaining 4 notes that will show everything ..

Many words I want to say to you,


"God, I hope that this article can be conveyed to him, someday"


When it's Delivered, Please also, make him a memory and not someone I love anymore ..


The last 4 notes later, is what I really want to convey to you ...

Number Six : "I Love You" 

 

Looks like my struggle has reached its limit .. this has been the 10th year I love you ..


I buried it for so long ..

You know, I always say your name in prayer ...

But not to be my soulmate ..

I pray for you to be close to Allah ..

And I'm quite happy because this prayer was answered ...

Your changes and your Hijrah,

Really make me happy ..

I always pray for you from afar ..

So that you always be the Istiqomah person ...

I know it must be hard for you to do it ... but I trust you ... if you can do it ...

Now I've started to stop praying for you,

But I still keep you, as the smallest part of my travel story ..

I'm sorry, if I'm just an ordinary girl ..

Forgive me, for loving you for so long ..

Forgive me for not giving up when you asked to give up

Forgive me for saying your name often in prayer ...

Forgive me ..

Forgive me  ...

Please forgive me ..


Even making this article, I'm also sorry ..

You are special to me, so I want to say goodbye special too ..


Please don't forget to invite me to your wedding later ...

And I will invite you to my wedding later ...

Let's try our own ways ...


Stay healthy..

Remain strong ..

Still a great man ...

Keep spirit..

If at any time you get hurt because of something, please don't be sad ...


"A good man to a good woman"

Don't forget this ...

Maybe your love story is not great yet ... but one day you will find it .. Good girl sent by Allah to you ..


"I love you," I will say this to each of my writing until the end ...


And I will apologize for this too .. 

Number seven: "I made the Step"

 

Now that I'm an adult, there are many things I want to do in this life.

You know, I'm still the same girl,

A girl full of dreams ...

For marriage, I'll do it later.

When I have had a great career and I can be proud of ...

So it's possible that you will get married first ...

If you get married, then I will also be happy ..

You know, love is the most important part of life ...

So don't ever hesitate to defend about what you want to fight for ...

And someday I will find someone who I want to fight for too ... hehe

"I love you" seems like I can't say it anymore ..

You know, a lot of things have changed ...

Yesterday when I tried to draw your face,

I can't do it, and tear up the paper ..

You know it's just a face sketch, and the paper I ripped is my precious sketch paper ... Haha

I regret tearing my paper ...

Remember again, I once drew you once,

On ordinary paper and I feel happy ..

But now, I don't feel it anymore ...

Well, it seems like I'm starting to leave you slowly ...

Or actually, I have not been in the heart that long ago?

You know loving you in about 10 years really feels tiring ..

Well, even then, if you know the taste ...

Gosh, I feel like I'm starting to protest a little to you ...

Of course I can right?

Even if it's not your fault, still, I deserve not to do it ...

You know, in the phase of loving you ... I discovered a lot of things ...

In fact, I once tried to be close to someone ...

You know, I used to be interested in other people, I was just curious about it ...

And I approached him ...

But I decided not to come near him again, do you know the reason?

Because I'm afraid to open my heart again ...

Loving you makes me not want to open my heart again ..

You're like a high wall in my heart ...

But I realize, you are not the cause ..

But I made the wall myself, I don't want to ruin all my future plans just for an uncertain love ..

Well I mean, I just want to fall in love with my husband someday ..

My steps leave you further and further away,

Now I'm not really sure, are you still important anymore in my life ..

Then, I began to question again, the real reason I made this article ...

Maybe because I'm confused who I want to tell it to ...

My story, from my perspective ..

I want to write it all ...

And after that, I will feel relieved ..

Oh yeah, every year I always remember December 11, 2011, as the day I like you ..

But since 2019, I've forgotten it ...

On that day, I no longer remember you ..

Even now, I don't expect to see you again ...

I don't want to see you again ..

Whereas in the past, I was always at the point of the place you often visited in this city ...

While hoping to meet you accidentally ...

But yes, I have long stopped doing it ..

And now, I'm not really interested in hearing from you anymore ...

 Number Eight: "Broken"

 

Only if you think about it, will you understand ...

 "I will not tell anyone"

"Think of Everything as a Lesson"

But it spread like wildfire burning wood ...

You have to apologize to me for this ...

You hurt me for this matter,

And this makes me never be able to trust you again ..

Even if you love me too ...

I'm not sure if I can be with you....

You're just like a star that is hard for me to reach ...

That's why you are special ...

How do I say it ...

"I Stop Loving You Now"

~

~

"I give up"

"Broken"

        Last Chapter : "Good bye"

                                                                              

Goodbye..

Now I've let you go ..

Thank you for being a valuable lesson in my life ..

You're like a complicated problem that I want to solve ...

But I don't want to finish that thing again ...

I surrender according to your wishes ..

Not ...

I surrender as I wish ..

This note is the last post that I hope you can read.

But back to the beginning, I did not expect in humans ..

"I love you"

"You are very special to my life"

"I hate you all the time"

"You are a very annoying man"

"Live very well"

"I don't want to see you again"

"Always healthy"

"Be a good man"

"I give up"

"I go now"

"I will never open that door again for you"

"I have destroyed that wall"

"But I won't open for anyone, at least for now and the next few years"

"I'll get a good man someday"

"Don't worry, I'm fine"

"I'll stop crying this time"

"Don't forget to apologize to me"

"I'm waiting for you for that"

"Okay, everything"

"Don't get hurt, live well"

"I go now..

This time it really is the last time ....

I will erase the photo I got with difficulty, during school break ...

Well ... we're in the same frame ...

Only if you remember ...

Okay enough ..

I stop now ..

Goodbye once again ..

~END~